>>>Anyhow.. this all leads to back to me in a HUGE way. I am very adament about focusing on MY best interests etc. and I told him that he could not live with me and the kids if he was actvely using - makes sense to me for various reasons. BUT, how specific do I need to be? I KNOW I made the boundary for ME, for MY peace etc... but what if he slips ONCE? Is that reason to enforce this boundary? Am I giving him false information by NOT kicking him out if he slips during thses excursions? I am somewhat bewildered <<<
I want to hear the responses to this same question, please. I set the same boundary for the sake of myself and my daughter just 4 days ago. I was 1 month separated from my AH and he asked to come back. I set the boundary and he agreed to stop drinking and has been sober.
But last night and today he started the talk I recognize as the beginning of his relapse. He started saying he doesn't have a problem and he only quit for me and no one else thinks he should have to and I am wrong... etc etc etc I stayed true to myself and said only he can decide if he needs to stop, he shouldn't stop for me as we know that will not succeed, and he should just simply move back out and do as he pleases. He stopped talking about it last night and we were fine all evening. But this afternoon it started again, with him saying "I'm not happy." He listed many reasons that were quite silly (mostly blaming me for things) and would agree when I would deny them, and finally he got to the true one "I don't see why I can't drink."
Again I said that I simply will not go through another round of demial and if he is not ready for recovery I just wanted him to move on. He said I don't love him and I said of course I do. I said someday he will look back and realize how much I did and I hope he tells me then. He was very quiet and I knew he was back with me as far as recognizing his problem. I said maybe you should go to a meeting and he said "Yeah, maybe I will."
I know he won't. But this is an example of how he is already slipping in and out of denial, on the 3rd day of sobriety. I am preparing for the inevitable, that I will have to enforce my boundary. I'll take any and all thoughts, I am feeling very vulnerable right now.