trappedinside,
I know what it's like to be lonely and feel isolated and different from everyone else. I feel isolated and different every day of my life. It's not hard on me now because I've learned to cope with it and even appreciate it now.
You're still so young and it will take time to sort this all through. Being lonely at your age is very hard. Morbid thoughts are a symptom of going through trauma. If I were you I would seek out a trauma specialist or talk to someone at a sexual abuse center. I found that many counselors that I saw did not understand what I was going through and they just made me feel more helpless and hopeless. There are counselors out there who do understand. Call a sexual abuse center and ask them if they can referr you to a truama specialist.
This is not how you will feel for the rest of your life. Get through a day at a time. Find support somewhere.
Hugs,
MG