(((Vic))) I came to SR everyday for 7 months before I got clean. I tried. Couldnt do it. No way. Or so I thought.Sure, I could get a few days here and there. But, I just couldnt stay clean for any amount of time. I was convinced I was a hopeless case. 6 years of meetings and I couldnt hardly stay clean a day. I came here and talked the talk and felt like a hypocrite. I still had reservations and didn't realize it. I had not completely surrendered and didn't realize it. I could not live like that anymore. I was done. But, I couldnt live without drugs either. Or so I thought. On May 25th 2005, I had enough. I decided if it took going to any lengths to get clean and stay clean, I would. I had to make my recovery the most important thing in my life. I had to get rid of my reservations. There had to be nothing that could be an excuse to use. NOTHING!!!! And I had to surrender. COMPLETELY!!! Yes, I thought I was a loser. Hopeless. Saturday I had 10 months. MY DOC was Crack. I cant tell you exactly how I did what I did. I can however give you a few suggestions. First, Surrender. Surrender to your higher power. Today. Surrrender completely. Turn your will and your life over to God. With complete faith. Vic's way obviously hasn't worked. Next,do you have a job? The reason I ask is cause I notice your always here. If I am wrong, I appologize. If not, get one. Even if it's at McDonalds. Get a job anywhere. This is important. It occupies your time and gives you a feeling of being useful. Go to a meeting everyday. If your sponsor isn't working for you, or you feel you need more, change sponsor's Spend less time here at SR and a little more time working your steps, doing service work and doing things for Vic. Be good to yourself. You deserve it.
SoberRecovery is a great place, but spending too much time here can be bad too. Get involved with as much service work as you can. Hang out with people from your meetings.Go to the funtions. Picnics, dances, etc. Stay away from newcomers!!!! Nothing good can come from a couple newcomers hanging out. Not if they keep going back out. Stay away from women. Get them out of your mind. A woman is not going to fix you or keep you clean. Work on Vic. Go to bed early and get up early. Get your rest, but dont sleep all day. Not healthy. Eat a proper diet. Exercise. If possible, join a gym. I cant tell you how much that has done for my recovery. If you have any reservations in your recovery, they will happen. So, get rid of them. Your not a loser Vic. Your a good guy. I like you. Stay away from the guy who wants you to score from him. Vic, I had all the same feelings you post about. I struggled to get clean. Without God, NA, a good sponsor, my NA friends, and a job, I would probably be screwed. You can do this Vic. You just need to make some changes and do things differntly. Keep the faith. I believe in you and so do a lotta other people here.