((((((((((((Meg))))))))))))
I don't know you that well. I barely have time to get to this side of the board anymore with all the necomers on the A side but your last post touhed me so much, I had tears in my eyes. I am so sorry for the pain you've had to endure and so in awe of your deep insight into yourself.
I saw the title of the thread and I wrote the same title in this same forum a while back about 2 friends of mine that were my best friends. I don't talk to either of them today because that's how they have chosen how to handle my boundaries. Jt said something important that we go through phases of development and we sometimes grow away from people. It's sad but it is also positive because it means you are doing some hard work and god will open you up to be available for some more meaningful friendships.
smoke also said something very important in my opinion. I've had to learn this and it's a harsh lesson to learn but it is reality. Just because I don't drink and my husband is an A not in recovery, does not mean that everyone has to accommodate me. I have to make my world comfortable around me. For example, if I have trouble with a friends drinking then I can choose to not be around this friend during this time...but I can't expect this friend to change their life to accommodate me. In fact I think that would b codependent of them. i had the biggest fight with my husband because I didn't want alcohol at our wedding. He convinced me that just because we were alcoholics doesn't mean we have the right to deprive people of having a drink if they want one. Smoke is right, if you don't live it, you don't get it. My parents keep asking me when do I graduate from AA and do I still have to go to the classes. Alanon helps me try to put appropriate boundaries in place for myself. That's all I can do because having expectation of other people usually just brings me dissappointment.
One more thing and I'm done sorry. I have also learned in recovery from Alcohol and drugs that relationships are formed and move to the next level when we have confrontations and work them through. Every relationship is going to hit a rough spot. It's how we handle it that tells the future of the relationship. In my case i told my friend I didn't like the way she spoke to me and I wanted an apology. Haven't heard from her since but I don't regret standing up for myself. if these girls mean a lot to you, I would tell them how you feel. If they are true friends they will respect your feelings and not ask you to drink with them anymore. I always expect people to think the way I do or to be as empathetic as I am but that's just not how it is. My guess is that they don't even know this stuff bothers you.