For me, I have found that I am very much a different person with others than I am with ah. I think that a lot of it has come as a factor of my having put up with so much crap from him - but interestingly enough - it's always been that way.
I very much stick up for myself and whatnot with everyone, except ah.
Perhaps this is partly as to why I feel so strongly about not getting involved with someone that is anyway involved with alchohol - just me being me. It's those red flags, fear of the pain, etc. that would keep me from jumping in that boiling pot again - even a potential one. I realize that any and all relationships can cause pain, etc. but I'm not going to tempt fate again when I've already been in one relationship that involved alcohol - won't go there again. The fact that he is an alcoholic - recovering or not - would ultimately be my first red flag.