Hi Meg.
I understand. But your friends don't. A person who is truly consumed by substance abuse is the stuff of movies for most people. It's a dramatic saga to tell. But until you've been in the middle of it, you don't get it. I dated a guy for a very long time that didn't drink at all. He had at one time drunk way too much. It didn't make any sense to me that he wouldn't drink with me. Obviously he was under control. I had no idea. Last week a friend of Dino's took him out and and kept insisting that he drink. Alcohol was not Dino's doc... but what was the idiot thinking? Last Christmas I went to a party and watched one of the smartest women I know keep pouring drinks for a friend of ours that calls herself "L*** the Lush." That was after even the Lush said she needed to slow down for the nite. But the smart one wanted her to have a good time. I have friends now who know that I drink dangerously... yet they ask me to drink with them. I have friends who know some of what Dino and I have been through... yet they suggest drinking and talk drugs in front of me. I decline and thank them and say a prayer that they never have to know what I know. It's ignorance, or maybe denial. And you and I understand about denial, eh?
I also understand how mystifying it must be that a friend would not remember such a sad anniversary. (((( Meg! )))) But just to give an example of how dippy people can be... that same fellow I mentioned above I was with for 5 years. He disappeared. I mean like... without a trace disappeared. A couple of years later I was talking with a woman who called me her best friend, and I mentioned him. "Gosh... that was so long ago... do you still think about HIM?" Yep, and I also still thought about every stick of furniture and scrap of memorabilia that he owned that I still had in storage for him in case he wasn't dead. But it wasn't my friend's tragedy, and it just didn't register with her how huge it was for me. I still don't get that one.
Whether you want to cut these people any slack is, of course, up to you. I don't hang out much with the insensitive types, but I don't take their thoughtlessness personally. It's not a reflection on you. They just don't get it.
Hugs,
Smoke