Yep early sobriety can be very rough not only on the recovering alkie but on the family as well.
I know this, oh do I know this, and yet my alanon side can forget it in a minute if I am not constantly vigilant, rofl.
I do know that in early sobriety, for myself and others, it really didn't matter what "type" of meeting I attended, they all seemed like they were just sitting and talking. While I was in the meeting I could hear the words, sort of, but it was what I felt, I felt hope, and by the time I left the meeting, I couldn't tell you what had been said, but I did feel some calm for a short time within myself.
I also know, that I could not tell you what the emotions were I was feeling, I thought I was angry, I would sit and talk to my sponsor and answer her questions and instead of anger, it would be fear or sorrow for all the years I wasted. I not only had to feel the emotions I had to learn what they were.
I also have to tell you that it did not do me much good to read the Big Book until I was almost 6 months sober. OH I could read it. I could understand the sentence I was reading, but by the time I got to the end of the sentence I could not tell you what the sentence said. And I am no dummy I have a MENSA IQ, but when I got sober the brain was just not computing. It took TIME. Time for my body and mind to heal.
And yes, it is a FELLOWSHIP. That fellowship hung on to me when I was flying all over the place and leaving claw marks in the walls. That fellowship showed me how to become a civilized member of society again. That fellowship taught me how to be kind, considerate and thoughtful of others again. That fellowship taught me how to share what was really going on instead of wearing one of my differents hat to show the world I was "fine", and what I hadn't learned there by 3 years sober, alanon refined further.
I know also that once the A starts on recovery, we alanons start looking for changes. Hell I do it today with a dear one, who has been my "little brother" for 20 years. I know better, and have to give myself a good whack in the head but I do it. "Well why didn't he go to a meeting last night?" "He knows 'those' people can trigger him, why is he going over there?" and on and on and on, lmao It's his program. I cannot do it for him. I have to sit back and just wait. When he asks, I can share my ES & H. Until then I have to stay out of it, and yes that can be very very hard, BUT i MUST, for me as much as for him.
I come to "Family and Friends" as much if not more so than the "Alcoholism" and "AA" because I NEED to be reminded by y'all to stay on my own side of the street. I still have that "Super Woman" cape somewhere back in the closet and you would swear somedays I am trying to pull it out one more time , sheesh
I have good relationships today with what is left of my family and my dear friends, but without AA and Alanon, my ashes would have been spread to the winds almost 25 years ago, so don't give up on yourselves. Sometimes we need to put distance between us and a loved one for our own health, but that doesn't mean we have to give up, we just watch from a distance, and I keep them in my prayers.
You gals and guys are the greatest.
Love and hugs,