Hun:
My advice is if you are out... stay out. For no less than one yr of sobriety. Then, and only then, does he deserve you.
This isnt about him anymore. You dont need this in your life or you wouldnt have left. He is going to be on bended knee hunny. We addicts are the best con-artists, I'll give us that.
So easy for us (addicts) to shed a tear and say I wont do it no more, like a 5 year old and our family loves us so much (enablers) thats is all they want to believe. Therefore, believing in us is easy. However, we are only fooling you and losing more and more respect everyday for our enablers because they too are weak after a time of being beat down by being around an addict.
The addict controls everything. We realize this. We use, our family dynamics change. We have all the power in our families, which is pretty sad really. But true.
To make it short and sweet... if you are out, stay out. Forever if he makes no changes.
For no less than a year even if he is working his fingers to the bone in a program and living a good, clean life. He actually deserves that year apart more than anyone. He needs alot of him time right now.
Go back and this is your life. This board, the people in AA/NA, people like me that are going it with just the board... we are all the minority. Sober addicts are uncommon, we tend to stay sick, much less change. We are all the exception, amen. We here are still sick and always will be but we taught ourselves to think differently thereby, wanting to live differently.
He has to want to ride on our bus. He is nowhere neeeeear being able to commit. He will however, ******** you and heck, maybe even snake into a meeting. Welcome to the mind of an addict. We are alot of things but lazy isnt one of them. Nothing we wont do to continue our life of using AND hold onto what we have. But thats not possible.
One or the other. Be a drunk/addict or have a life with nice stuff and happy kids. Noone can pull off both for too long.
So he will now cry, plead, beg, you name it, to get things back like they were. If you care for him that would be the last thing he received. When he is doing all of this, because he will! Expain to him: Letting you go, though it hurts deeply, is far less painful than watching you kill yourself. Walk out and leave him to think. Leave him a number to a local AA so he doesnt have to make those steps... he wont. The bar is always easier to get to than a meeting, even if the meeting is acoss the street.
Maybe he needs something to work towards in recovery... maybe that something is you.
Either way, who wants to be with someone so sick they puke and knowingly lay back down in it... cant have any respect for the man?
Everything he detroyed has to be earned back but you dont deserve to live with any such in the process.
This is out of right field but you know what made one of my girlfriends stop drinking? I recorder her drunk. I had talked to her about her drinking daily and she would tell me, 'I act no different drinking than not'. She watched herself in ahh. She was a sloopy, ugly, messy, loud-mouthed smart ass. Not drinking, she has her **** together and you would never think she would carry on like that. She never touched another drop.
Anyone else ever tried this? She is vain so this worked very well. Cant find a man looking like a sloopy bar *****. She is now married with a baby lol. God bless them