Hi Hangin' in.
You could have titled this thread "C'mom and tell me what I already know". I know exactly where you're coming from. When Dino got into treatment, I couldn't understand how in the world they intended to fix him if they didn't know what I knew. From what he told me, I KNEW he wasn't telling them everything. But it seems that, just like his falling down was a progressive thing, the getting back up was gradual and progressive, too. He dealt with things a chunk at a time and I imagine that was because it was too much to face all at once. It certainly made ME a mess trying to handle all his problems at once. LOL
A thing that helped me to let go was imagining this scenario. The gang here have more or less been my counselors, so my imaginary saga took place here. What if Dino had come here and told everybody what's wrong with me and what needed fixing? Dino is not that kind of guy, so it really was a forced thought... but what if... what if Dino acted like me? I had all the denial anybody could hope to have. What if it had been reinforced with defensiveness? I have had the luxury of facing myself in my own good time with the gentle help of people who have been through the same things. I know how impatient you feel. Dino's problems were URGENT after all. He needed to fix them NOW so I could be okay. But my okay has to come from inside me, and I had to recognize the urgency myself. If it works that way for me, then I have to reconcile myself to the fact that it works that way for him, too. And while it's true that I can recount events, causes and effects are surmises and suppositions and his are probably as good as mine. Boy, was that hard to swallow.
Hugs,
Smoke