I swear, I USED to think I had common sense but the more I'm having to deal with all this mess, I'm really beginning to question my judgment.
Ok, I want honest, BRUTALLY honest opinions here. I have my seat belt buckled and I'm bracing myself.
I called the daughter's counselor yesterday (hold on, don't go crucifying me YET...
) to ask her a few legitimate questions or what I thought were legitimate questions: For instance: questions about family week and just what goes on, suggestions on where to stay, how to handle sending need $ to my daughter and......this is the clencher, to ask if certain parts of the rehab program were definitely going to be incorporated into my daughter's recovery...i.e., budgeting and transition back into real world and relapse therapy. I was never told so I thought I'd ask.
Now I don't claim to be the brighest bulb on the tree but doesn't it make sense that if my daughter is there because of a relapse, relapse prevention would definitely be something they would want to work on with her? (Everyone shake you head, "Yes, Hangin', yes."...lol) Ok, simple enough. So I asked that question. Counselor said, "Well relapse prevention usually comes in Phase II and since Dr. M said your daughter could go home in 45-60 days we'll just have to work some of that into her Phase I." Hmmmmmmm. So just to make sure I understood I said, "So relapse prevention is in Phase II but she will be coming home before ya'll normally reach Phase II?" She said yes but they could incorporate some (hear that??....'some') into Phase I. Ok, I let that one go.
Then I asked about the budgeting and transitioning back into everyday life. Guess what...that comes in Phase II but was told again they could probably incorporate 'some' of that into Phase I, also.
I told the counselor that in NO WAY was I calling to tell her what kind of time frame I THOUGHT my daughter should be on but more to tell her of things her dad and I had seen that definitely could use some work. I said and I quote, "You and the doctor's are the professionals and I am not trying to tell you how to run your program. I know ya'll know best." She said "Yes ma'am" (and I know why...she's young enough where I could have birthed her!) and said she would relay my concerns to the doctor. She also said she really didn't get to call the shot on how long my daughter is there, that the doc does that. I told her that was fine by me but would she please just tell him of the areas where her dad and I thought she could use some work. I told her "45 days, 60 days, 3 months, 6 months. Whatever ya'll say goes." And please notice that budgeting doesn't have anything to do with me trying to tell her how to 'work her program'. And relapse prevention....well, to me that is just a no brainer.
So guess what? Daughter calls today, not in a good mood and sad, saying she is just so lonely and wants to come home. (Has she forgotten that she HATES living at home?....big sigh) Then she proceeds to tell me that the counselor told her I called yesterday and then got to the point she really wanted to make.
"Mama I think you are trying to tell them how to run my program."
Well, well, well, here we go again, for the millionth trillionth time!
I remained calm because I know she is unhappy. I talked to her about her needing to be there and she agreed. Part of her was just plain sad and still adjusting and the other part was mad at me for calling and voicing my concerns. I know what is all behind this. She is so fearful that she will have to stay longer because her dad and I have said we think she could use relapse prevention and budgeting/transition help.
I made it clear to her that I called yesterday to ask the counselor, "Will she be able to get these things because we think they will be helpful." Counselor told my daughter I called and daughter heard "Mama is trying to tell them what to do."
Where is the blasted, dern book that tells me how to do this correctly??? I honestly, honestly, HONESTLY know by now that I cannot work her program. And I HONESTLY called the counselor yesterday with concerns but I was not (or at least I think I wasn't but now I question every dern move I make) trying to tell them how to treat my daughter.
This is all so stupid! I know some of ya'll are saying, "Oh hush, Hangin'. Be thankful your daughter is in treatment." I am, I am, believe me, I am! I guess I'm just so sick of worrying about every word I say to anyone involved in her treatment, including her. Can't a mom call the counselor to basically say, "Hey, we'd like to get the most bang for our buck while she's there" without being accused of trying to work her program?
I'm serious. I'm so confused now as to what is genuine concern and what is working her program. I swear, I might not have been the valedictorian of my class, but I used to pride myself on having common sense. And NOW, this *@&$#^@ disease is making me question even that!
And thanks if you've read this far. I owe ya'll big time!
(Now going to sit back and wait to see if the "Big Kahuna's" step in to answer this one. Seems they always respond to the sickest and I think I win the prize!!! Bring it on, Big Kahuna's. I need help!!!)