(((((((Pauline)))))))
You know Pauline, that whole anger thing.....I remember when I first started confronting my childhood and my relationship with my mom and started realizing where a lot of my issues come from. I got angry too. And I was really angry at my mom. I remember her phoning me once and I was very short with her, to the point where she actually asked me what was wrong, said I sounded funny. It was a while before I could talk to her again normally.
The thing that makes me the most angry is the fact that all along I've assumed there was something wrong with me to make my mom not love me enough. And once I realized that it wasn't me, but her own personal demons, I was soooo pissed. I still am. I don't blame her for it, but like you said, I'm angry at the things that happened. I'm angry that I have spent 33 years thinking it was me. And I guess I still am angry at her b/c she still does her best to convince me that it IS me, by always being so critical of me. It's hard to keep telling myself that she has her own problems when instead of dealing with them she chooses to tell me all the things I'm doing wrong. In a way it's kinda like dealing with an A in denial, blaming everyone else instead of looking at their side of the street.
I guess I have a lot of work to do, to get past all this anger....
