Jbat,
I hope you pop back!! I hope you stay too - rifts between people can be mended, sometimes it's worth talking about it, perhaps start another thread and see if good communication can work it's wonder!!
I think what's happened here (I might be wrong) is that you've felt isolated because the thread neded up centred around drunk driving. I've seen lots of post here where spouses have known their partner is driving drunk and not reported it - you're NOT alone.
I don't have that to deal with from my hubby but I can't say hand on heart I've never known a friend to drive while over the limit. They might not have been my partner but at the end of a large (ish) party, I've ignored that some maybe one or two over. I'd LIKE to think I'd report it, I DO care about drunk driving - but hand on heart I've never rang the police and reported someone, and it's NOT the case that I've never known anyone drive over the limit.
So if first of all I know I've never actually reported anyone, while I also know that isn't because I've never known anyone drive drunk - you could say I'm the same as you, except I'm not. You live with the threat of violence, you've been abused by him, you have to way up what backlash there will be for you, you've been isolated in a new place. It would have cost me no more than friendship had I called the police, from YOUR perspective it could cost you far more. Not only that but you come to ask about all those things, which must take courage, you've been absolutely honest - admitted things openly that often people only know are true in their own hearts.
I hope you come back Jbat because one forum rift aside you have lots to offer us. Whether you believe it or not you're special, far too special to stay trapped where you are without us all losing out on who you are.
Take care - take really good care of you.