I volunteered on the NA Helpline for awhile, and one night, I received a frantic call from a woman fresh out of rehab. Her adult son had put a beer in her 'fridge, "just to see if you're serious, Mom." She came very close to drinking it, then dumped it and called me. She couldn't believe he'd be so insensitive.
People without addiction issues don't understand. They often think that it's merely a matter of how committed we are to recovery. In other words, they think our addictions were the result of "no will power" or "laziness." We know that's not so, but they don't understand that. And, if they don't, how can we expect them to understand?
Have you tried talking to your husband and explaining what it's like to be powerless over your addiction to pills? That this test is making it very hard for you to remain focused on recovery?
One thing I will say...as strong as the compulsion to pick up that bottle and get started, it's nothing compared to the compulsion you will feel if you take the first one. I can battle the urges so long as I'm clean. Once I get started, I know that the nightmare will begin all over again.
You've come a long way, baby. Whatever you have to do...don't start the cycle all over again, please.
Peace & Love,
Sugah