After I got most of my anger out of my system yesterday....(blasted the radio and cried while I was driving to p/u my husbend from work)
I thought to myslef, Steph you need to stop being such a push over so I was quiet when I went to get him and he picked up on it right away, and I basically said, I need you to do something for me, I need you to be honest with me from now on and stop doing things behind my back and lying to me. I told him that I do the same sometimes (which I do), and I need for him to stop stereotyping me, thinking im going to react the same way to every situation all the time. and also said that If I can't trust him then what am I here for. of course I got the...."Where is this comming from?"
I also told him that I sometimes feel that he is with me for pure comfort, and we make each other miserable sometimes, and he said that if he didn;t want to be someplace he wouldn't be. (and that I believe) so after beating around the bush I said have you called her, and he said yes, and ya know what.....That anxiety that I usually feel was no where to be found.
Well I said that I would like for him to not "sneek around" and if he was to call her, if he did it when I was actully home or around somewhere, not to accept me to "react".
And we actaully had a nice conversation, I actaully felt like he WAS LISTENING, there was no defensiveness, only pure concern in his voice.
and the biggest accomplishment for me yesterday was......
drumroll please........
After a discussion of a falling out I had with my dad the day before, that "I was not going to tolerate anyone treating me like I was worthless, and I m not taking anyones crap anymore, not even yours. And if he ever was to feel like I was making him unhappy or needed to leave to please do so.
Being able to let go of this, and to know that I had the courage to say what I did, made me extremely happy and that heavy load was lifted off of my shoulders...
I still cannot believe that I said that!!!! It's amazing what a little confidence can do...