Partner,
Sounds like a sad situation. I have been attending ACOA for a little over a year, so may have some insights that would be helpful to you. I think Al-anon may be a good start. I currently do not associate with an alcoholic, but grew up in a seriously messed-up environment.
If you want to help yourself, perhaps reading a few books on Adult Children of Alcoholics would help you to understand where he is coming from. Do you suppose if you had a few articles or books lying around he would seek them out (when you're not looking?)?
I know that one of my major sick patterns of living is choosing to be with people I don't want to be with (usually abusive, emotionally unavailable men), who really don't want to be with me, either. Maybe your partner is thinking on those things for himself, but is terrified of displeasing you. This may or may not be the case. Questions for you to ask yourself:
What was your relationship like in the beginning? Mutually respectful? Passionate? Did it feel anything like "driving 1,000 kph in the fog?" Has he been loving and respectful of you, or dismissive, and repressing of his emotional self (i.e. has he given compliments and affection freely, or held back)?
It sounds like he is going through a nightmare, and inviting you to come along. As much as it may hurt the both of you initially, I think it best to let go (emotionally, not necessarily physically/geographically), and let him come to the decision whether or not to seek help. In the meanwhile, help yourself as best you can. Seek out al-anon or other spousal resources, and perhaps if he sees your burgeoning sense of peace, he will inquire.
The good thing is: from your post, it seems that he is possibly "getting ready to get ready." Which, though surely feels very frustrating for you, is a good sign. He knows he wants more out of life, but sounds terrified of seeking true change. Some of those painful things from the past have been buried into a darkened corner of his soul for a long time.
He's lucky to have someone who cares so much for him and is supportive. But, remember that you have to take care of you first, or you're of no use to anyone.
TAKE THE OXYGEN