Unmanageability
The First Step asks us to admit two things: one, that we are powerless over our addiction; and two, that our lives have become unmanageble. Actually, we would be hard pressed to admit one and not the other. Our unmanageability is the outward evidence of our powerlessness. There are two general types of unmanageability: outward unmanageability, the kind that can be seen by others; an inner, or personal, unmanageability.
Outward unmanageability is often identified by such things as arrests, job losses, and family problems. Some of our members have been incarcerated. Some have never been able to sustain any kind of relationship for more than a few months. Some of us have been cut off from our families, asked never again to contact them.
Inner or personal unmanageability is often identified by unhealthy or untrue belief systems about ourselves, the world we live in, and the people in our lives. We may believe we're worthless. We may believe that the world revolves around us---not just that it should, but that it does. We may believe that it isn't really our job to take care of ourselves;someone else should do that. We may believe that the responsibilities the average person takes on as a matter of course are just too large a burden for us to bear. We may over, or underreact to events in our lives. Emotional volatility is often one of the most obvious ways in which we can identify personal unmanageability.
*What does unmanageability mean to me?
*Have I ever been arrested or had a legal trouble as a result of my addiction? Have I ever done anything that I could have been arrested for if only I were caught?
* What trouble had I had with my family as a result of my addiction?
*What trouble have I had with my friends as a result of my addiction?
*Do I accept responsibility for my life and my actions?
*Do I take drugs or act out on my addiction to change or suppress my feelings? What was I trying to suppress?