LaTeeDa - I love this post. In fact, I love many of your other posts too - you have some great recovery going on there.
I learnt that I was with an alcoholic for a reason. It wasn't just a coincidence. I chose him so that I could get my "fix-it mitts" on him and his problems. And as my counsellor rightly pointed out in the beginning - if I stayed the same, what on earth would I do if I was successful and he did get into recovery? (hypothetical question - counsellor is well aware that I couldn't be "successful" and we went on to explore that issue). My reason for being with him would have gone. Likewise, he chose me for a reason, and if I got into recovery and he didn't, then why would he want to be with me when my vulnerability and rescuing tendencies were gone? I am more often amazed that people stay together in recovery than if they split up, tbh.
LaTeeDa - my ex jumped through the same hoops to get our relationship to work. Everything BUT take his own recovery seriously. The frustration I felt was incredible when another Amazon delivery brought books on relationships into the house (even after we split up). In the end, it was simpler for him to find another vulnerable enabler than to get into recovery.
You are looking at the Big Picture and I think that is vitally important. I have been wanting to start a new thread on that topic for a while, but have been too busy (?lazy) to create it from scratch so have been looking on-line for something appropriate. I haven't found what I wanted, so I guess I might have to bite the bullet today and do the work myself.
