No matter what I do, it will never be enough
I got to thinking about this phrase today, since it was a recurring theme in my marriage and I've seen it often on this board also. They (our A's) say it to us to make us feel guilty. And it often works.
But here is what I was thinking, THEY ARE RIGHT! No matter what they do, it will never be enough TO MAKE US HAPPY! We have cast them in a role where it is their job to make us happy, and they can never succeed. Our happiness does not come from them. I see so many posts lately, and I was also there not too long ago, that say something like:
If only he/she would stop drinking, if only he/she would get help, if only (fill in the blank), then things would be good again.
As long as they are put in a position to try and figure out what makes us happy, they will continue to fail to do so.
My A is not currently drinking and is seeing a counselor to try and sort things out, but he is still trying to do what will make me happy, take him back, make our marraige work, etc. This will not work. Hell, I don't even know for sure what I want, how can he?
I told him today that he needs to figure out who he is and what he wants out of life. At the same time, I need to figure out who I am and what I want out of life. Only then, can we start to figure out if those two individuals can make a life together.
I just wanted to share my "careful what you wish for" thought. Even when or if they do get sober, we have to do our own recovery work or nothing will ever get better.
L