My charming alcoholic husband seems to have a problem with "talking" to other women on the computer. It has been an ongoing problem and it just tears me up inside. And I'm with you, do they think we are just stupid? I hate the lies! He lies so well now I think he believes them himself. Just more denial!!
I'm not even sure he loves me at this point or if that is just a lie too. We are celebrating our anniversary on Saturday and I want to write him a letter telling him how I feel. I don't want to write about the negative because we both know the obvious (plus, I would be writting for too long.) I want to tell him how very much I love him even through the pain, tears, anger, and even hatred. He has been talking about having a baby lately and I don't know if thats what he really wants or he says it because he knows its what I want. I'm tired of being manipulated! I love him so very much but I am at the point of being scared to tell him because I'm afraid it will hurt too much. Scared to be rejected again and scared he just won't care. I KNOW I deserve better than what he has been giving me, and I certainly deserve a husband who can be 100% faithful. I think he can be that man, but I just don't want to live with false hope.
Somehow through all this pain, and anger (let me tell you sunshine...I know that anger!) we still love these men. Sometimes it's hard not to feel stupid for loving them, especially when most people just ask why you don't get out. I have hope! I have so much hope right now for myself and hope for him also. You know that little saying about "GOD never gives us more than we can handle?" Well, just think how strong GOD must know we are. Because I know somedays it seems like more than we can handle but we do, and we go on. The trick now is to let go of the anger and focus that energy on YOU. It's so easy to speak those words and so hard to act on them. But, we DESERVE honesty, respect and love.
Sunshine28, I doubt I have helped but please remember you are not alone. That is the biggest help to me right now. I know exactally what you are feeling. It's ok to be angry, but let it out and get on with you. I know I am trying! And hell, the fact you can call her chicky is a lot better than me. I couldn't post the names of the "women" my husband "chats" with!
Take care of you!!!
