Liddy....
I can really understand how you feel. I too worry about the manic episodes because they can be UGLY! I just don't consume myself with the worry because its something I can't control. Its a disease that rears its ugly head whenever it feels like it and I was worrying myself to the point of sheer PANIC all of the time. I pray alot and surround myself with as much normalcy as possible. My children suffer so I try extra hard to give them some sense of security so they don't feel so alone. I stopped to learn how to "Dance" because I realized that my children are small once and I couldn't imagine the pain they were feeling with two parents in such a mental state. I was in PANIC mode and Dad is in MANIC mode. Oh WOW. That rhymes. How funny!!!! LOL I just love my kids so much that I wanted them to feel like things can be normal even if Dad isn't right now. I used to feel like I was walking on eggshells all day everyday. That STINKS! I don't like watching what I say or watching every move I make scared out of my mind that he'll have one of those ugly episodes because right now he is still unstable and that is because he has on occasion mixed alcohol with his meds and that keeps him in the Rapid Cycling mode. Until he puts it down for good he'll stay the same. It's all about what you want out of life.I do not help him at all anymore. I guess because I feel like if you really wanted to get better you go to any lengths possible. He knows not to drink that it makes it worse so he is his own worst enemy. I don't react when he is depressed and I don't react when he is Manic (I just get the heck out of the way). I don't remind him of appointments and I don't remind him to take his meds. He has to take responsibility for himself just like I have to be responsible for myself. Guess what? Its working .
Take Care and Lots of HUGS!!!
2many2count
P.S. Everyone needs to learn to dance.