I'm new to this board, but not new to dealing with an A..the A in my life is my husband. We've been married almost 7 years and we've been dealing with this the last 4 years on and off...before that, he never admitted he needed help. He's gone into rehab 2 times, on his own and tried outpaitent 2 other times on his own. Each time, he quits and then holds himself together for a while and then falls apart. Right now, he's out somewhere, drunker then a skunk...while I am at home with our son (who is almost 4) and doing what we normally do. I've learned a lot about myself and how I can or can not make things worse or better..all depending on my reaction. The more I say, the worse things get..the less I say or do, the better they get and faster...
I am beginning to feel that I am at the end of my rope this time around. We had a b-day party at a local state park for HIS brother today and our son was super excited to go and play baseball with daddy...well, it's time to leave and my husband announces that he's not going. Our son is completely upset and says "Daddy..you HAVE to go..who's going to teach me to hit a baseball, my teeball starts soon." OH MAN! That totally and completely ripped my heart into a million pieces! So, after son was in the carseat, I went back into the house and calmly said "We'll wait if you want to go." He says no and I told him "You let him down..you know that all hes talked about is playing baseball with you at a baseball field" He says "Don't give me a guilt trip" and I said "This isn't about guilt trips, it's about fact..he's this age once in his life. YOU are his hero and he wants to play with YOU! It's not my job to teach him everything...he doesn't want me to teach him, he wants YOU" and I left. I am sure that some will think I should have kept my mouth shut..but I believe that by doing that and not calling to his attention that he's let our son down, it's helping to enable him. I did not mention my feelings about him not going, or drinking or even that this was for HIS brother...for me, that's damn good
So we go and of course, it wasn't much fun for me, but I put on a smile and faked it for my son...my brother in laws were too busy drinking (yup, runs in his family, but I was surprised that they were drinking today for various reasons) and we stayed a couple of hours and left. I took him to watch some cousins play soccer and then we came home. We literally drove in the driveway and my husband is walking out of the house...I asked him where he was going and he says "Out" and leaves....I discover that not only has he drank beer..but an entire bottle of Jack...to be honest, I am actually relieved that he's not here because he turns into a different person when he has Jack Daniels in his system...mean and verbally abusive! So, I get a call and where did he go? To the party for his brother and his mom ( who does enable BIG time) says to me "Don't worry...I'm not letting him drive tonight, he can stay at my house tonight" Hm....okay, so, now the dilemma is my reaction tomorrow...I have plans and do not intend on changing them. I guess I'll treat him normal, but man will it be hard not to scream at him...should I confront him about letting our son down? He's at an age now where he is verbally making comments about how daddy is crabby or daddy doesnt play with him to me and I think my husband should know the truth..any ideas on how to approach him are appreciated! I know I can not control him or cure him and I sure as hell know I didn't cause this awful disease to overtake my wonderful husband...but I surly want the beast gone from my house and my peace and quiet back. I am done with the drama and honestly, am a bit afraid of telling him to get out...not for physical reasons, more for I suppose fear of him not wanting to work things out...I have a lot of thinking to do before I make any harsh decisions I know, and for me, it helps to get it out in writing!
Okay, gotta run...I'll introduce myself a little better at a later date, right now, I am just trying to get my head on straight and to keep my focus on the person that needs my attention the most..my son!
Thanks for letting me share!