Jewel,
You never know when the A finally has enough and gets help. My son had a DWI at 17. The pole he hit would have killed him if it feel a little more to the left. One would have thought that it would have been a wake up call. No, not enough for him. He is now 22 and has finally admitted to being an A and is in treatment.
I have been praying for him for years and I have learned that God answers prayers in his time not ours.
I also understand your feeling toward your sister. I have 4 sisters. All of their children are in universtiy or have graduated. One of my niece's is graduating next week with doctorate in psychology. She is 28, try to top that. I tell you this because I have been able to get past that jealousy. I am very proud of my niece's and nephew's. I am also very proud of my son. Actually I am even more proud of my son. He has a disease and has to work very hard to keep it under control. It's not his fault, he was born with it. It takes a very strong person to realize they are an A and do something about it.
I pray that your son comes to the realization that he needs help. I know from experience that when he does you well understand why he had to go through all this crap and you will see how happy he can be.
In the mean time. You really do have to detach. Believe me, I know it is hard. If I had not learned to detach myself I would not have slept in years. Detaching does not mean to stop loving them. I honestly believe that we detach because we do love them and we realize that if we don't we are hurting them and Us.
So go take care of yourself. God will take care of your son!
DMOM