Jewel

I am in a terrible state this morning, it is 7.30am, I woke up at 6am and couldn't sleep so I got up. My son was arrested last night, he came round for money around 5.30pm teatime yesterday completely off his head he was paraletic. He wanted £40.00 and his dad said no way, he was very abusive and aggressive and started to kick off. An argument started between him and his dad, and I just kept saying to my partner, dont take him on he's drunk, but it really escalated out of control and my son attacked his dad and started booting my doors and smashing my kitchen up. I was frightened somone might get hurt so I rang the police.

The police arrived one officer to begin with and he refused to leave, he said he wasn't leaving until he got this money, so this police woman called for back up and a police van arrived with 4 more police officers, and after calmly trying to get him to leave and he wouldn't, they hand cuffed him and it took 3 officers to get him out kicking and screaming. They threw him in the police van as I watched through the window, it was awful, I'm heartbroken, this was 6pm last night and I've just rung the police this morning and they told me he was charged and he is up in court this morning but they wouldn't tell me what he was charged with.

I dont want to go to the court, I cant face it, his dad doesn't want to go. What if they put him in prison will they let us know. We didn't press any charges so it must be the police that pressed charges, I feel gutted inside. Does anybody ever feel like they just cant go on. I cant fight anymore. I have had enough of life being a struggle, every day I wake up it is a struggle, I feel so down on myself and guilty for ringing the police. My sisters two grown up kids are going to university, I cant bear to tell her whats happened, I dont want pity, I just feel envy that my son and daughter have the problem of alcohol and drug addiction and are struggling in life, and hers go to university, I hate it, I just want to talk to people who understand. My sister is also an alcoholic in recovery (early) and her kids did alright. I need to get all this off my chest. I feel hurt and angry and really pissed off, and full of self pity.

When and if they let him out, he has nothing, his benefits have been stopped, he has no money no food no friends (that would want to help him) a dump where he beds down on his own (you cant call it a home believe me) and I keep getting told to let go. How can I do that. Please Please give me your suggestions.

I'm posting this on alanon and naranon in hope that I get loads of suggestions and some strength to get through today.

Thanks fot listening
Jewel.