I was always attracted to men who were "unavailable". Initially, it was men who were committed elsewhere... as I got older, it was men who had difficulty giving of themselves - being emotionally unavailable. Hell - I find gay men incredibly attractive! And that is also, I think, why I find alcoholic men fit like a hand in glove.
For me the "feeling" of being attracted is a warning sign... "something hinky with this one!"
I am in a relationship with Mr. Big that is going through a bad time, we may or may not make it. Because of that, I have considered how it might be to be single again... and one of my fears is that I would attract another unavailable man.
I am redoubling my efforts at working through my 12 steps.... and am currently involved in a 12-tradition study. The study has been adapted for relationships - and can be used by couples, though this study is all women. It helps me begin to understand why I am the way I am, and how so many traits I had that I thought were "unique" are actaully common among ACOA.... imagine that.
If your ACOA group is willing, why not start at step-study or tradition-study? We meet 2 Saturdays per month and no one is "in charge". We have used the "Paths to Recovery" book before for our step study, and are using some material adapted by Mary Pearl (N. Littlrock, AK alanon) for the tradition study. These studies have helped me a lot.
I wish you well.