let it be
My goodness, you are in the thick of it doing so well in the middle of that lunatic disease of alcohol. I read something yesterday in my Alanon literature that applies to the question that you asked. A woman had an alcoholic husband who was drinking, disappearing, etc. She learn to start pushing her antennas down. (the ones that 'keep us safe' by hearing, seeing all the clues that we are about to be abandoned) She pushed them down in her head, and refused to sniff out clues. She stopped wondering about stuff and got on with her life reaching for the things that made her happy. Her husband made whatever his choices he had to make. She learned the secret: her happiness was provided by herself all during that time. During that time she was serene, she filled her days with activities or quiet times that brought her peace and happiness. Her husband was miserable, but he couldn't have discovered who he was, if he was happy or miserable if she kept interfering. So, she didn't and that was the happiest choice she ever made. The end of the story? I don't even remember it. All I remember is that she pushed down her antennae and refused to pay so much attention to his "clues" and paid attention to her happiness.
Vonnie