I don't think I ever had power! My very first memory is an incident that ocurred right after my dad married my step mother. I was 3 years old. I've said before that I felt like she resented me from day one. She locked me in a closet in my bedroom. I remember being so scared! I couldn't get out, I was panicking, couldn't breathe, was really hot, and screaming to the top of my lungs. I could faintly hear something (later found out it was the vacuum cleaner). I don't know how long I was in the closet, but it was soooo scary! To this day, I hate closed in spaces!
I learned from then on that I had no power! Another time she was washing my hair in the bathtub and I was wiggling around. She held me under the running water. I still freak out if someone touches me or tries to dunk me in the pool.
I was powerless when my dad molested me. I never said a word. I acted like I was asleep because I was so scared of what he was doing. Then, I never breathed a word of it until just a couple of years ago and then only to a select group of people because I didn't want it broadcast! (So much for that idea...it's been broadcast!)
I honestly don't know what it's like to have "power". That's why it kinda cracks me up when I'm referred to as a "control freak". I've never had any control, so how could I be a control freak?!