Margo, actually I am still shaking after reading your post the other day. It really broke my heart.
Anyway I'm pretty sure I know when I gave my power away. My mother was very misreable for a variety of reasons. She basically took it out on me. I was "a stupid Fu..en idiot" pretty much all the time. Get the hell out of here was how she greeted me most of the time. Nothing I ever did was good enough. She was resentful that I existed and she let me know it. Driving me to school yelling at me the whole time that she has to do it. She would practically rip my hair out when she brushed it, then she would yank my hair to get my head to turn so she could brush the other side. In the morning to wake me up for school she would rip all the covers off me and yell, GET UP!
She didn't like herself and i reminded her of what she didn't like in herself. She was constantely critisizing my clothes, my hair, my makeup....everything. She insisted on perfection but I was not an A student and in those days I was more comfortable in jeans. She's in politics and wanted me to be some show piece. If I went to eat desert she would give me a dirty look but I didn't have a weight problem, she did.
I don't think I gave my power away through my childhood because I turned to drugs and alcohol and felt powerful in my own right. It wasn't until I started getting involved with men that I started giving my power away and I still do it. I am much more aware of it now and it's gotten a lot better.
I want to change my name back now, Jon's gonna kill me
