I'm glad started this thread JT. This is something I've been working on alot lately. And I know intellectually, that this is where I stopped believing in myself, where I stopped growing in my ability to take care of myself. Over & Over I keep playing in my mind..."Where was it?" I did come up with several "safe" answers. But as I sat down to type this, and this is hard, it just dawned on me that when I was 10 or something and my father sexually abused me...this is when I could not or did not know how to say NO. And to make it worse, I must have given up all my own power when I did not trust myself to tell anyone about it. Yet, I know I knew it was wrong. This is where I stopped listening and trusting myself. Yet to this day actually, my sister is the only one who knows some of it. And I spent alot of energy protecting her for many years to make sure he didn't do this to her as she was 4 yrs younger than me. I guess it was easier to protect her, than to take care of myself.