(((((YoungBuck)))))
I feel your pain my friend. I have 12 weeks on Tuesday free from crystal meth. I can completely relate to the pain you are in. It sounds like you really need to go to an NA meeting. If what you aren't doing isn't working for you, change what you are doing to find something that will work for you.
I got so sick of depending on my dealer, of being suicidal, of only staying alive to not crush someone if I took my life. I hated it, I hated bein me.
It's just something you have to decide and tell yourself that NO MATTER WHAT, I WILL NOT USE, WILL STOP RUNNING, etc....... Stopping the madness and insanity in our heads is so hard....... It feels next to impossible.
I didn't think I could EVER live without meth. It gave me so many things. Yes, I still miss is sometimes, but my life has improved so much in twelve short weeks, it's amazing. You will be amazed at what life has to offer if you stop the drugs.
I don't know if you know who Elizabeth Wurtzel is, she wrote Prozac Nation, and then wrote a book called, Now, More, Again. It's about her when she was addicted to ritalin.
I hope you get yourself some help. It's too hard to do this alone. Why not call the guys at NA.......