I've gone to 4 meetings this week and for the most part I've felt good, but today I'm feeling low. I made it past a week on Wednesday and was happy, but yesterday was miserable around dinner time. The kids were making me crazy and my husband didn't make it home until about 8pm. I talked on the phone with my temp sponsor and I guess it helped to pass a few minutes. It feels like the strangest thing to call someone and tell them you're feeling like sh*t. Isn't that a pretty selfish thing to do? I really wanted to crawl in a hole and cry (preferably to get really drunk and drown out the chaos), but she insisted that I call when I felt like that so I did. I went to a meeting again today, but don't feel really super. I want it to change quickly. I don't feel a whole lot different. I still have these strong desires to drink and I feel like an emotional mess. Right now I just can't see how not drinking will solve the emotional part.
I'm not drinking today and I'm going to read a little in the Big Book. Maybe soon I'll get a little clarity. I certainly hope it's soon, because otherwise I might give up.