Originally Posted by trailmix

i guess one thing to consider here is that he doesn't want a different job? Can't really fault him for wanting to make money. His priorities when it comes to life and family and work may be different from yours. It may even (alcoholism aside) make you two incompatible.

I'm not good at quoting. His job is very stressful and puts him in situations where alcohol is free flowing and he travels a lot. It really isn't good for someone trying to stay sober. I fell in love with him because he was ambitious - among other things - but now i'm to the point where making a ton of money is less important than his health. But that is his decision.


So this part i'm confused about, why are you just patiently listening to him when he's yelling at you? Why would you let anyone yell at you like that?

Honestly, this time i was wondering what his was going to say. I was also trying to figure out what was going on.

These are really just rules each of you are trying to get the other to conform to? You will not rage at him, he will not drink. Rules are really for children only. They depend on another person to follow your rule, adults don't really work that way.

I'm trying to be done raging - that is something i can control. I can't control whether he drinks (see that's progress right?)

you can have a boundary - i will not live with an active addict. I will not live with someone who does not treat me with respect and kindness. If either of these is the case, i will leave (or the other person will, depending on the circumstance).

I can't leave yet. Neither of us wants to 'abandon' the house.

The difference being, that is completely in your control, you don't have to count on him to keep a promise he isn't going to keep.



He is drinking whenever he can get away with not using soberlink.

Please know you can't trust him anymore, he lies to you, he's not your friend, he doesn't have you or your children's best interests at heart. He is an addict and his first alliance is to the drug, before you or them or work or friends and other family, probably before himself.

When you are away next week and a child needs to be picked up and he won't provide a soberlink reading, then what? He won't be waiting for your friend to show up perhaps and even if they just arrive, what will they arrive to?

I have to think thru this more - i have to travel but i can hire a sitter. I have done it before.

Sometimes when someone is feeling really overwhelmed, i will say, hold on! The house isn't actually on fire, nothing needs to actually be done right this second, but as for him watching them while you are gone or driving them anywhere, that's a bit of a house on fire situation.



Do you mean you don't have the resources to live separately from him?