(((((toomanychances)))))
Very grateful for you sharing your story here. It's what helps all us desperate loved ones of A's feel welcome and seen... thank you.
Honestly, even in this short time since you started posting look at how your thinking has evolved and how much perspective you've gained It does give hope - it's an example that once we start to do the hard work on OURSELVES, even though it HURTS, our lives can and do change and ultimately will get so much better and healthier.
For all of the awful things that alcoholism has done to my family I try to remind myself that this terrible disease is also what pushed me into a journey of self-reflection and self-compassion, what I see as an endless opportunity in MY life to be honest with myself, to deal with my own setbacks and problems, to stop focusing on the As problems and on what I think will "help them" which keeps me trapped in a loop of absolute codependent madness.
So I'm grateful that at some point my pain was so deep that I sought out and accepted help and that has made, and continues to make through life's many trials, all the difference for me.
Peace.
B