I read your story and was so touched...
My dad left the UK when I was 16, I went out into the world and got into drugs...ended up an alcoholic, finally got into recovery 5 years ago.
the thing is my dad etched a life for himself in the USA and married an american lady and took on her son, a bright,warm, clever, funny guy, a few years younger than me.
When i first went out to visit at17, he and his friend were doing something like crack cocaine stuff...Crystals and spoons and the like!!!
22 years later we still visit and last year I was heart broken to see a wreck of a young man, shooting ******* heroin into his arms.....Drinking half bottle of rum at 9am drinking all day and popping pills constantly...I even had to take them away because he was eating them like candy!!!!
I was so bitterly angry that this guy who had been given everything, (a college education, brand new Toyota pick up, jobs,a boat and all the fishing gear, his own damned bedroom, all his fags and boose ALL SUPPLIED) Not to mention MY dad too who has spent more time with him than he ever did with my brother and me who got nothing....We were abandoned!
He got into trouble with the law too but my dad and his mum put thier house up as bail to get him out, its only because of thier jobs and high standing in the community that hes still out of jail!!! For ***** sake they are buying the stuff for him now!!!! as he has no money or jobs...I told my dad that he was enabling him to carry on but at the end of the day its **** all to do with me...They are not stupid they know they are killing him, its breaking thier hearts it will kill his mom, it will probbaly kill dad too....
So when I saw him jacking this **** up I just wanted to kill him.....
I understand its a disease, I have a disease too alcoholism, but I decided 5 years ago that I had to do something about it and yes it WAS before I lost EVERYTHING. It was a moment of clarity whenI couyld see what I was doing to my famaily that I decided to do something about it..
Your man probably needs to go to the depths of despair before he finally realises. I know that my step bro is still using and will continue t do so. He has not got to the pit of despair yet because life is a bit peachy for him right?
As for you my love you need to live life too, maybe its time to decide really decide for yourself do i want to do this anymore??
You already know the answers dont you? deep down you cannot help him, but you are as bloody confused and frightened as any of us and need that reassurance form others, that is what this site is for...
You have done all you can for this man, its up to you if you wnat to stick it out.
I know I couldnt do it if the boot was on the other foot and I was living with an alcoholic becaue I know what its like to be a lying, self centered, devious,selfish bastard myself!!!
I have sid this before soemtimes people get that momnet of clarity soemtimes they dont..
I send love and prayers to the both of you I hope he gets into recovery for the right reasons next time...
I hope this helps a litlle you are never alone
love Purrddyyxxxxxx