Beachbabe

Well, ya'll were right, although I was starting to really hate the saying 'each day gets better' because for me it didnt.

I would like to share my story now that I am physically able to.

I decided on Jan 17th to never eat another pill. I was physically addicted to hydrocodone... had been for 10 yrs. I flushed my supply (2 bottles of 240), called all of my Drs. and came here to learn how to get well now that all of my bridges were burned.

I am grateful to God for whatever reasons, I have no cravings and never did while in withdrawal... only romanced the idea of taking some for a day of relief. Thankfully, that wasnt an option for I had flushed them.

TODAY and not until TODAY do I know I am going to be ok. My withdrawal may or may not be very different but I would like to share with you what it is/was like:

Day 1 2 3: no energy and depression. I missed my friends (the pills)

Day 4: I woke up with the flu that would kill a horse. I was literally fearful of my life. This went on from day 4 (jan 21st) until this morning. It was literally too much for me to even sit up. That is the level of weakness I had reached.

I was having to bathe in bed because I couldnt get through a bath or shower... too weak.

I came here daily pleading for someone to tell me when I would be Ok. Noone would. Because I know now, noone can. Withdrawal is different for all of us.

Now, as of today, I can get around ok but scared to push it because I dont want to end back up where I was. My head still has the heavy bowling ball feeling but as long as I can get around the house, I can deal with the other symptoms.

The fever and weakness scares me and it wont go away. The weakness though has gotten ALOT better or I wouldnt be here. I honestly didnt have the energy to sit and type. Honestly.

So, now I am a few weeks into it and I seem to be getting better physically but now a whole new can of worms has been opened.

For the past two nights I have been plaqued with God awful nightmares. Nightmares of my children lined up in coffins, if that gives you an idea. The longest I can sleep is 3 hours at a time so insomnia is going to be the long time thing with me I think.

But all in all, Im not craving so isnt that 75% of the battle? I hope those suffering very long, horrid withdrawal can gain some serentity from knowing what all of you say is true:

Dont use and this too shall pass.

To a very sick person, those words are hard to believe. But it is true.

God bless all of us. This is one board buddy you NEVER have to worry about relapsing... I cant go through that again. I dont have it in me. I only weight 95 pds regularly, now I look really sick. Skin and bones. If a smaller person loses 10 pds it is very noticable. VERY. I am ashamed of how I look and I am stuffing my face to no avail.

I love you all for being there for me. I hope I am still welcome here and can help even though I dont have the battle some have. I dont want the trash and I thank god so much for that.

I miss how it gave me a sense of well-being but I realized it really didnt. It gave me a false sense of security... HUGE difference.