I've thought same Peke.
I've just made application for psychotherapy through a "victims" support service. I don't want money, but need the psychotherapy to help deal with historical abuse, rape. Gang rape. No, no emoticon here.
These memories are really flooding me now Peke, and I know our circumstance is different, but same in the broader sense. You can be raped in more ways than one.
But even though these memories flood and intrude I know I will not pick up a drink. I know I have to deal with this stuff, somehow. And even if I don't, I know that drinking will only prolong the agony, make matters worse.
I'm not prepared to give over to that Peke. Not prepared to have the actions of others determine my future.
I used to dream of putting my running shoes on and trampling their faces with the spikes. Probably capable of doing it now, somestimes.
I found a better pair of running shoes, Peke. I'm walking the walk.
Edit: have you thought about psychotherapy Peke?