Ahh (((Eagle))) what your going through right now is one of the hardest parts of it all. It ALL feels bad, using feels bad, thinking about getting clean feels bad, getting clean feels bad, and thinking about NOT using for ever feels BAD.
The stuff we takes helps us to push back the inevitable of life for awhile and then while we are pushing it back, it stacks up and keeps stacking higher and higher......
The more we use, the higher it gets. It may feel easier, but in reality all that is happening is the hole we are in gets deeper.
No one told us life would be easy, we just want it to be that way. Go through all the motions of being sick, feel them and remember that feeling so that you never want to use again. All the crazy stuff you are going through is a journey.... It's your journey of life. You've got to make better choices to get better things. Keep making bad choices and you keep getting bad things.......
I'm sorry if I just made No sense, I'm exhausted and brain dead, but I wanted to post to you and hope that you didn't relapse...........
If not, please hold on. If you did, START OVER....... ;-) Either way, let us know what's up.
DWI