Thank you all
I feel pretty strong in my resolve to not drink. I don’t feel the pink cloud nor do I miss it. I just am over it in general. The stuff that is chaotic in my life has nothing to do with drinking or past drinking. I know drinking wouldn’t help it. I don’t even think about drinking much anymore… I’m sure that will fluctuate over time but for now it feels like a new normal to not drink. Even though it’s only been a month, the gaps I have had since my journey to sobriety have been 1-2 months no drinking. Then 1-2 days of drinking. Back to no drinking. So I think somewhere along the lines I’ve gotten pretty comfortable doing life without alcohol 95% of the time. I just have to play the tape forward in those moments I feel like screw it I will drink. None of those days I spent drinking felt good this last year. So even though they have only been a handful …. They only made me feel like shit…. Anyway. Thank you all for your support. I think I’m dealing with suppressed feelings I’ve always shoved under the rug. Then I’m my late twenties when the pile got too high I started drinking to not deal with my feelings. Now slowly I’m allowing my feelings to come to surface and I have to admit there is some anger there for sure.