Thank you for your guidance.
Today has shaken me. 431 days sober. Everything I've achieved, all the awful stuff that would follow that first drink. For an hour or so, none of it entered my mind. It felt like an inconsequential decision. Like treating yourself to something you can't really afford. I'm embarrassed to admit it to you alI. I got my reasoning back as I kept walking, so I wrote the text above to try to solidify my rational thoughts.
I will try to reframe the way I respond to my AV and dismiss it rather than fight it. I can't seem to hold thoughts in my head very long among the noise right now. But it's a different way of thinking about it and it helped me today.
Thanks for the nudge on sleep Tailai - I've been going to bed late and waking up a few hours later with waves of anxiety. I will start going to bed a couple of hours earlier.