trailmix

It's not unusual at all to want to have hope and to not give up, but is having that hope realistic?

I going to guess his increased drinking is more to do with him (personally) than your Mother or Father dying. I'm sorry about that by the way and the fact that you haven't even been able to address your grief because of his alcoholism is really sad - and terribly unfair to you.

I doubt a true best friend would be so self centered. You may be his best friend, but he is not yours is he? His first relationship is with alcohol, that is his love, his priority and his focus. When he is drinking he's thinking does he have enough to last the night or day, when he's not drinking he's wondering when he can next drink, what time does the store that sells liquor close.

That doesn't leave much room for you and your Sons.

You can move out of where you are (or he can) and that doesn't mean you have given up on him. Doesn't even mean you need to have a separation or divorce, nothing is written in stone. But perhaps that space from him is what you and your children need. A time to clear the FOG (fear, obligation, guilt). What about your life, did you ever plan on sacrificing your happiness to alcoholism? How about your children, what is this teaching them? That poor treatment is ok, that you don't have to protect yourself, that you should be loyal to a fault?

We can think sometimes, well no, they aren't stupid, they watch tv families they see their friends families, they know what is dysfunctional. The thing is, where you live, who your parents are how they are is your normal, not whatever those other people are up to.

Anyway, you do deserve to be treated well, to be treated with respect.

You didn't Cause it, can't Control it and can't Cure it (the 3 c's). He needs help, but no kind of help you can give him. In fact, perhaps, you are just propping him up? Maybe it would be what is best for him as well?