Hi again Zilla
You just described me to a T I used to go out socially and drink 1 glass of wine, but vouldnt wait to get home to get plastered. I never drank in public either, because I could not trust my behaviour. This is the nature of the disease.
Also, I drank alone at home , and it stopped working for me too. I drank to blackout many times. It is a progressive disease, and it WILL get worse.
For me , I found the answer in AA . it helped me STOP, and KEEPS me stopped, and teaches me to live a HAPPY sober life. There are some great posts here by fairly new people who have overcome their fear and attended meetings , with very positive results. Hope you get to read them
Once again, welcome , and keep posting
HUGX
Lee