Hi Zilla, I'm J.h
Have You Been To A A-a Meeting? Do You Have A "big Book" ? A Meeting Is Where You Go To Intrduce Yourself As A Alcoholic, From What You Posted I Would Heve To Classify You As One And If "you" Don't Think You Are Just Try Some Controlled Drinking, The First 164 Pages Of The Big Book Are The Meat And Potatoes, In "the Doctors Opinion" It Define's The Obsession Of The Mind And The Allergy Of The Body, Simply Meaning You Think Of Having A Drink, You "will" Get One! And Once You Have That First Drink You Can't Stop.
Remember The "only" Shame! Is "not" Becomming A Member Of A-a If You Are A Alcoholc, And Only You Know If You Are. Do You "want" To Stop Drinking?? Then Read The First 3 Words On Page 112 J.h