Glad you made it to the site Zilla. Even if you don't beleive that you are alcoholic yet blackouts are a problem social drinkers don't have. The best part of the 12 step program is that you only have to quit for today, thats what they mean when they say one day at a time. The key to having the spiritual experience is, to the best of your ability, work the steps and live by the morals of the program. It seems like a lot at first but just keep it as simple as you can and don't drink for today. I look forward to seeing your posts here. God Bless, Neil.