rmusic, I did the same. I didn't want to "start over at 50", so I messed around and dabbled in my own recovery instead of going in wholeheartedly. Know what that got me? The opportunity to start over at 55 instead! But I'm now 63 and quite possibly healthier and happier than ever before in my life. Do I wish I hadn't wasted those years? Absolutely. But the important thing is the progress I've made since then.
Yes, I want to echo all those saying that you're on a VERY familiar path. I wish you strength and clarity going forward.