Originally Posted by
LucyIntheGarden 
If you can see a therapist ongoing over the next year, it would help you very much, It's a heavy load to carry alone. And the load you carried while he was alive could have broken you. You still have your life. Try to live it well.
Well said Lucy!
ER1616 - I am so very sorry and I also understand your pain. I got the dreaded news that my ex had died from his alcoholism 5 years after I finally let him go. It was a terrible shock but not a surprise.
I also recommend professional support for your grief and for processing everything you went through while you were together. I'm sure there's a lot to unpack there. You owe it to yourself going forward in your life. Take good care!