Originally Posted by
Silky10 
Thank you LucyInTheGarden. Yes, I feel like I left home out of complete desperation rather than actually wanting to. I still want to go home but he's completely closed off to me now.
Maybe that's why it's so hard. I never feel like I have a choice. I feel like I've been pushed out rather than having made a choice.
I will look at Al-anon; i just wonder if it's appropriate now we're apart. I wish I'd done some of this research sooner.
Al-Anon arose out of a desire to help the wives of male alcoholics who participated in the AA program of recovery. It still serves this purpose well, but it has evolved over time. Al-Anon is a support group for those who have been affected by another person's drinking. That's you. You've been affected. Some members are dealing with an actively drinking spouse in denial, others are parenting children in recovery, and still others left their qualifier long ago but continue to feel the pain of addiction.
When you say, "I never feel like I have a choice. I feel like I've been pushed out rather than having made a choice" - working the 12 Steps through Al-Anon can help you with this frustrating lack of power. It is a program to help you process pain, look at situations with honest reflection, and make changes that will help you live a peaceful life.
Al-Anon does not save the drinker. It saves the people damaged in alcoholism's wake.
I'm glad that you are here, Silky. This is hard stuff, but you clearly value yourself enough to realize that the current status of your relationship is toxic. You deserve more.