Hi there,
I can so relate to your feelings of not wanting to go to an AA meeting. It seems like such a commitment to NEVER drink again. You probably aren't ready to pick a sponsor and get started working the steps. And who's going to be there but a bunch of drunks talking about things you can't relate to. DON'T WORRY ABOUT ANY OF THESE.
I was so full of fear before my first meeting (I've been to 3 now) because I was afraid of getting sucked into something I just wasn't ready for. I didn't/don't think of myself as an alcoholic so I didn't/don't think I have a need for AA, but I went anyway. I never do anything without a thorough investigation and this is no exception. I went so I could at least say I've investigated this piece of the puzzle. Guess what I found?
A) There is NO commitment. No sign in, no membership card, no rules about drinking. You decide your own rules. You decide to not drink for 1 day at a time, not forever. I found tremendous comfort in that. You may also.
B) You don't start working the steps until you are ready to start. You can take all the time you need to determine if AA is right for you or if you feel you are even an alcoholic. If you want to wait a year, you can. If you want to get started right away, you can. Everyone there wants to help, but NO ONE will pressure you to do anything.
C) Of course they're a bunch of drunks (sober and trying to stay that way), but almost always they have something to say that you will be able to relate to. They've been where you are at now or where you're going. It's the most comforting feeling to hear someone else say that they are feeling something that you though only you felt deep inside you.
I would suggest that you break down your barrier against AA and at least go to one meeting. Then you can decide how you feel. If you hate it, don't go back, but keep looking for something else somewhere. My guess is that you'll begin to understand yourself better by hearing other experiences.
good luck