I think you have to let your kids navigate this on their terms, while maintaining boundaries for what kind of behavior and treatment you find acceptable.
I was the kid in this scenario. Yes, my mom did a lot of things right, but it was only when I was *much* older than your kids that I was able to navigate the distinction.
She may be getting facts wrong about when you were there and when you weren't, but that's not really the issue. She gets to have her own experience and her own feelings about her childhood. You're right you can't change the past, and neither can she--she can't change how her developing brain and emotional landscape interpreted and processed things that were happening to her at the time. You don't have to validate things that didn't happen the way you remember, but if you try to invalidate her feelings about how she grew up you will only push her further away. It's not worth arguing over who dropped the meat or whether you were at a particular game, because her having to take care of you while you were sick when she was still a child has left an indelible mark on her that she is not ready to accept yet. It's not hopeless. Forgiveness is always possible. But this is a very complicated issue for adult children of addicts who were parentalized by the people who were supposed to be taking care of them, and 22 might be too early to expect that, as you've already acknowledged.
Of course none of it is worth risking your sobriety over. Acceptance is a two-way street. If you want hers, you need to give yours, and meet her where she's at, rather than where you wish she was.