When you say it's "only hurting" you... isn't that enough!? Aren't you worth more than that? I have been where you are, so I know the feeling. But one day I realized that hurting me was not ok. It's interesting that it's illegal to commit suicide, but it's not illegal to intentionally hurt ourselves to the point of near death.
You are worth more and deserve better. I used to drink a bottle of chardonnay every night- sometimes two. I got sick of being a slave to it- to letting it control me. I took back the control and said ENOUGH. Believe me, it's so worth it! Good luck