Hi there devil and welcome to SR
You will find plenty of support and info here .
Let me say that you have just told part of my own story ....how well i remember the counting the hours left, would the shop be shut, where to get it, how to get it, where to hide it ?
For me, it was no admission at all that i was powerless over the stuff.
You have taken the first step.... by reaching out .
Oh! btw dont be too sure your family are not aware , we are usually the last to know
For me , the road to recovery started with a phone call to AA, this got me stopped, and regular meetings KEEP me stopped
I drank for 37 years, and my life revolved around it , like you , I was scared to stop, and terrified not too. But here I am, sober for 27 months, with a new me that i never imagined possible
HUGX
Lee