Hi there Paloma
and yes , I do understand what you mean! I searched all my life, including the 37 years that I drank, for just such a feeling, but never found it .
I tried religion, as such, and that , when I was drinking never did it either, it just filled me with guilt.
I have heard it described in AA as a " hole in the Soul" and for me that is exactly what it was.
Since I have gained some sobriety ( 27 months now) and have been working my Steps,I HAVE found an inner certainty and peace. For me , it is a combinatin of finding myself, and a God " of MY understanding"
HUGX
Lee